We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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