I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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