Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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