I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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