that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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