So many bounce houses so little time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
