he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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