call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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