1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
