help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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