I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
