Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
