My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
