Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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