I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
