i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
