Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I smell stomach acid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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