why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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