We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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