When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
