I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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