those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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