the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
