if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize