kristin has been a bad kristin
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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