question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
