we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
