mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize