I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
