Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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