I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize