i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
