You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
