Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
