just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
