I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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