He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
