what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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