so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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