Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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