Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
even my farts smell like vagina
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
