Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
