made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
