He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
