I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
