Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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