Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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