Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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