My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
