that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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