I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
