This is not my ceiling
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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