You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
