You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
