Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize