You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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