Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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