we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
