Who did Billy Mays play for?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
