dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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