mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
