I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
