Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
