After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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