The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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