our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
